So last time I talked about you can grow up with an inner feeling of ‘not-okayness.’
Today I’m going to talk about how to develop a healthy relationship with your emotions, your inner child, your vulnerable part, whatever you want to call it.
A few months ago I saw an interview with actor Anthony Hopkins on late night American TV and the host was asking him what his most important life lesson was. And Hopkins replied “to never give up and then he pulled out his wallet and opened it up to show a picture of himself as a little boy which he says he often looks at and says “we showed them didn’t we?” .
Hopkins was raised in a working-class Welsh family and struggled at school – he grew up feeling convinced that he was stupid.
Hopkins talking to a picture of himself as a boy is a way of reparenting the part of him that feels inferior (lets call him ‘little Anthony’).
The child that didn’t feel okay is now getting reassurance that he is okay and more than that, that he is not alone, that somebody cares about him.
This what the part of you that feels ashamed, not okay, not good enough needs; to be seen, accepted and attended to.
So the next time you feel inferior or not okay pay attention to that feeling, and where it might have originated. Then instead of avoiding it or doing whatever it is you do to compensate for those feelings of inferiority, try staying with that feeling and seeing what it needs.
What does any insecure child need? Acceptance, reassurance, support. You will notice after quietly being with your feelings like that that they will soften and you will feel more relaxed. In that moment you have been a parent to your little vulnerable self and you have begun the journey towards feeling okay with yourself and others.
Think about the messages you got about feelings as a child and how you can change the way you are with your feelings. Think about how to BE with your feelings rather than what to DO with them. Treat your emotional self as you would any vulnerable child. Develop a relationship with your feelings, particularly feelings that you tend to judge or avoid. Do protect your emotional part and keep it safe.
See the Healing Anxiety exercise on my Anxiety Release app if you would like a guided meditation for how to do this.